A Letter to My Dad

Hello again!

I wrote a letter to my Dad. Please read.

Hey Dad.

By the time this message is read, it would have been at least 2,573 days since I last saw you at Ben Gurion airport and 2,557 since your passing making it exactly 7 years today. I wonder how different life would have been if you were here... would it be easier, tougher, better? Not a day passes that I don't think of you. I think of you especially on my birthday, on your birthday and on Christmas Day. I have the fondest memories of you because our fights were tough but your love was greater.

What do you look like now? more grey hairs maybe? I can't help but wonder if I would have looked more like you. It gets harder to recall your face these days without the help of a picture. Who would have thought that the memories of your smile will fade as the years pass ?

 After you left I lived everyday in fear. Fear of the future, fear of not achieving my dreams, fear of how we'll bounce back as a family and the fear of what Isaac will grow up to become. Speaking of Isaac, do you know Isaac is tall and handsome? a super fine young man. Who would have thought that he would grow up to be a man of few words. I remember that his personality seemed to overwhelm you as a child but he has exceeded our expectations. I see him and I pray he goes through life feeling complete.

You can't imagine how much life has changed since your passing. I've cried, I've prayed, I've doubted myself, fallen and picked myself up. Some days I hate life, other days I try to be positive. On the days I am not asking God "why"  I stay thankful to him. I pray that the reason he let this happen is revealed someday.

 I hate how quickly I had to grow. I didn't get the chance to be a normal teenager going through life the way I would have wanted it. I hate how worrying has become a norm but I try not to- it's hard. I hate the reality that you wouldn't be there on the most important days of my life. You already missed my graduation, you'll miss my wedding and seeing your grandchildren.

Do you also know that I have lived several years being falsely accused and hated? that I was never given a chance to prove myself, almost feeling inadequate and inferior? I wasn't prepared to be detested by the people I loved the most. I wonder why life doesn't prepare us. How are we expected to cope with the unexpected?

Mum has been amazing. She has given us a life like you were here, providing to the best of her abilities and being the best manager possible. One never knows how much strength they possess until they're faced with life's challenges. She ensured that she fulfilled your promise of sending me to the university of my choice anywhere at all. Thank you for choosing the best Mum for us.... one that would help us go through a time like this.

Though it hasn't all been rosy, I've made friends that have become family. The prayers and kindness of good people has kept us. I'm confident that our worst days are over and our best days are ahead.

Thanks for your love, your sacrifices and your generosity. I remember you specially today like always, your face may be forgotten but your memory is engraved in my heart.

Love always,
Pee.