Self-Forgiveness

Hello everyone 

A big welcome back to Pee's Blog. 

A few weeks ago I wrote on forgiveness and I received a lot of amazing feedback. Thank you all so much however, I forgot to mention self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is very important because it allows us to move forward. Sometimes, if not most times we are our own captors. 

There are a lot of things we struggle to forgive ourselves for; relationships that should not have exceeded 'hello', goodbyes we never said to dear ones, and missed opportunities which can all be extremely painful and leave lasting scars. 

My father was in Nigeria when he passed and the week before his passing, while I was still in Israel, I had a strong urge to call him but things kept creeping in and interrupting my plans. I had promised myself that when my mum returned from church on this fateful day, I would borrow a few minutes from her call card and finally call dad and stop whatever voice was in my head pestering me.

As I waited for mum to come back from her unusually long church trip, I got the shocking news of my dad's passing. As months passed, I blamed myself everyday, I felt guilty, I was bitter and angry because I couldn't change the situation. Everytime I thought of my dad's passing, something in me told me I was at fault- Maybe he wouldn't have died if he had heard my voice.

I remember being at my counselling session a few weeks later, and my counsellor asked me what difference I think my call would have made. I pondered on it for a long time and I came up with the answer "nothing". In all honesty, I don't know what it would have changed- maybe I would just have felt better, maybe I would have felt worse. Several years down the line I struggled to make  peace with myself and I realised all I needed was some kind of closure.

A vital part of being human is accepting your imperfect self and striving towards perfection everyday. If you are struggling with self-forgiveness, let these words from the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr minister to you. 

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Just before I say goodbye, I would like to say do not put away anything you might be sorry about tomorrow. Make peace with your past so it doesn't disrupt your future, do not let pride or fear or whatever negative feeling get in the way- even if it doesn't work out, at least you know you tried. Call that person, take that opportunity, reach out to someone you haven't reached out to in years. Life is too short and beautiful to live in regrets.

Finally, who are you not to forgive, when you have been forgiven?

Thank you for reading Pee's blog. It is special cos you inspire me.

See you in a fortnight. 

Love, Pee.